brightsplashes

 
    Today Heloise and I went shopping for a car. My old 1990 Honda Accord finally gave up the ghost. Heloise's family's mechanic, Bob, took a look at my car after the clutch went out and declared that it was a problem with the transmission, not the clutch. Bob recommended that I get a new car, so today that's what I did.
    We drove to a dealership in Glendale but the cars weren't very good, so we went back to searching on craigslist.com. We stumbled across a promising looking ad, contacted the seller, and within an hour I was test driving a 1998 Nissan Sentra. The deal was struck quickly (and not a moment too soon, as other potential buyers were approaching as I shook the sellers hand to seal the deal). We went to Fry's, got some money orders in the amount of $2,050, returned to the sellers home and made the exchange. It runs very well and there seem to be no real problems with the car. Hopefully it will get me to whatever school I decide to go to (I got an acceptance letter from Columbus College of Art and Design yesterday! One down, four to go...). Here are some pictures:

   

The rain has been abundant this week. Strange storms are raging throughout the week and maybe into next, I don't know. The wet weather seems to be having adverse effects on my car, but as it dries the problems pass. Classes started this week. I'm taking five classes.
My first class was Logic, and the course and professor promise to be interesting.
Next came Public Speaking. I hope the class will be fun, there seems to be some nice people in there.
I have a French class with Adam, I don't know why we always take language classes together. It's nice having him there because it gives me an automatic partner and study buddy and he's funny, but sometimes it can be distracting and I'm always worrying that he's going to get me in trouble. The required text for the class is very expensive, about $200. I'm a little bitter about it.
After French I have Color class with Kai Kim. She seems alright, if a little monotone. Josh's sister Heather is also in the class with me. She's strange but harmless. Heloise refers to her as "Ichabod Crane" because she has a big nose, it always makes me laugh.
Heloise is awesome. She has so many great charactaristics. I love everything about her. I hate being away from her.
We're planning on moving away together. Whatever art school I decide to enroll at will determine our future home, as well as Heloise's future law school. It's an exciting prospect, going together to a far away place to start a new part of our lives. I think we're both ready to leave, too. Heloise's job isn't ideal and has it's headaches. My job is as dead-end as it gets. Soon we'll be on our way to either Los Angeles, Columbus, Sarasota, Providence, or Boston. I'm not sure if I have a preference. They're all good schools, it's just a matter of which one gives me the best deal. I hope to be accepted into all of them, that would feel nice.
Heloise is one of the most capable people I've ever met. You just know she'll be able to surmount any problem or obstacle. She's so sweet and attractive, I try to keep my hands off but I can't...
I've always been a little afraid of commitment and the idea of marriage, etc, but with her I don't have that. I just feel secure and that the future with her will be happy. It's a great feeling. I always have feelings of insecurity in any situation I'm in, and this is no exception, but I'm fighting it. 
My work schedule takes every free hour I have from monday to thursday. I get out at 7pm now as a closer. I don't like closing very much. Maybe it's just the girl Jessica I work with. She's rediculous. I didn't think so at first, but I'm finally starting to see her true colors.
In February we will have been dating for six months. It seems like so much longer! I don't know if it's because I have a bad memory, but when I think of things we've done together they seem like they've happened years ago. 
I'm at work right now, the wind is blowing hard outside. There was just a drunk guy in the cashiers lobby causing a ruckus, but I think Public Safety came and got him... 

Normal day at work.
Came home and drew. Cleaned up. Packed up some books and art supplies, etc. Anything lying around.

 

Heloise's boss, Zana, gave her $100 in cash as a sort of bonus, so we went and got sushi at Ichiban. It was good. There was a chef there doing one of those little cooking table shows with the bad jokes and the huge fireballs. He looked mexican and I swear he was faking an accent. It was really funny. I felt a little embarassed for him.
We came home and watched our latest Netflix movie, "JCVD". A movie about Jean-Claude Van Damme. It was different and more interesting than I thought it would be in some ways.
We talked about how I would tell my parents that I'm moving away for art school and that wherever I went I would be going there with Heloise. I think I'll just tell them I'm leaving and then tell them once I'm there. Give them some room to think things out. I can't wait to get out of Arizona. I'm ready for life in a blue state.

 Today at work I was chosen to go buy Mexican food for two of my co-workers, Tim and David. It seemed like it took a long time.
A janitor came in to get the trash and started talking to everyone/ anyone about the unhealthy implications of eating brain matter. I thought that he shouldn't be talking to us. I had to chide myself for thinking that janitors should be seen and not heard.
I wrote a lot more earlier, but the stolen internet connection I'm using isn't very reliable, and I lost 3/4 of this entry. 
The highlight was that I love Heloise! I'm applying to art schools and she has been a great help and organizer. It all seems quite manageable now, and the ball is rolling quite nicely. 
I work from 8am to 2pm then come back to the apartment and draw, etc. An art school I'm applying to, RISD, requires perspective applicants to draw three pictures to submit with their portfolios in addition to the work that a student already has. One of the pictures must be of a bicycle, and I am nearly done with mine. It's more of a still life of a skull, but there's a bike in there too. 
Heloise and I exchanged "I love you's" a couple of weeks ago. It felt so good to say and hearing her say it gave me the most incredible feeling. I'm looking forward to our life together. 
The second RISD assignment asks for a two-sided drawing. I'm thinking of drawing two sides of a door. One side will feature a man in a nightgown holding a candle peering through the peep-hole, and the other side, the outside, will feature something menacing sitting on the ground with it's back to the door, perhaps partially obscured by darkness. I've always been more interested in being vague when it comes to depicting monsters or things of that sort. It allows the mind to wander a lot more and a feeling of dread or creeping fear is much more desirable to me than presenting the viewer with a creature in harsh light leaving nothing to the imagination. A creature bathed in light is too easy to dismiss. One can see all of its parts and generally decipher it's potentialities. A man, creature, form in darkness or partially hidden behind another form is much more desirable. If that form is engaged in an unknown activity, even better. If that form is contorted into an uncommon position, even better. It's a matter of making the viewer stop and look. The speed with which a viewer creates in his own mind a narrative that makes sense of the events or event portrayed is all the more reason to keep things vague. Give them something to look at, reflect upon, engage with. Or at the very least leave them with a vague feeling that there are things they don't understand. 

 The sushi? Who knows. Actually, we think it's a virus now. 

 So things are going well.
Heloise and I are closer than ever.
I went to portfolio day at MCC and it went really well.
Many of the schools seemed impressed with my work and seemed eager for me to apply.
Heloise's mom let me use her camera to take pictures of some of my drawings from life drawing class for my portfolio:

I feel relieved that I am finally going to be forced to face this stupid mess I've gotten myself into. It's been causing me so much stress and affecting my well-being. I just wish I knew what exactly to do...

SO my car got towed because I didn't pay an old ticket. I told my cousin about it on Facebook, so I'll just paste it here...

Thomas

so you got towed?
homo

3:25pmMatt

woooo

yeah man turns out my license was suspended from an old ticket i didnt pay
im screwed man

3:25pmThomas

WHOA!

So you can't drive any car?dang,
what can u do now

3:26pmMatt

I dont know, I guess I have to go try and get things squared with the courts or whatever
the worst part is its all so confusing i have no idea what to do
im just gonna throw money at the problem til it goes away, thats all they really want anyway

3:28pmThomas

did you not know you got a ticket?

3:28pmMatt

hmmm
yeah i did

3:29pmMatt

well i got pulled over a long time ago for expired plates, then when i showed up at the court, the lady was like "you owe $800 in fines", and i couldnt pay it so i just didnt. big mistake, because now im in a worse shit storm
who knows how much i owe in fines now
suspended plates, license, no insurance
im f-ed

3:29pmThomas

wow man

3:30pmMatt

at least i have a bike

3:30pmThomas

u need to get the heck out of arizona

3:30pmMatt

seriously dude...

3:30pmThomas

you have a new record in a new state

3:30pmMatt

i would love to just ditch all this crap
haha erally?
i gues.s.s.s

3:30pmThomas

yeah records are a state deal
unless its like felony status I think

3:31pmMatt

oh hmmm
yeah well thats nice to know, but i have to much here...
my secret garden, my egg farm

3:32pmThomas

blah blah

3:32pmMatt

i know i know
the whole gf thing makes it rough though
ok ill break it off and move in w you!
i payed $500 for that car, i hate the thought of paying like triple its worth to get it back

3:34pmThomas

dang dude
how much is it to get it out?
its impounded right?

3:34pmMatt

yeahhhhh
yeah
im not sure
but it adds up
they charge you for every day its there
bull crap
but to get it out i have to have my license reinstated, get insurance, clear up all this crap, who knows how long that will take??
my court date isnt til nov. 5th, so that gives me time i guess
im just confused
its all about money man

3:36pmThomas

yeah
do you not have enough, or just hate to pay that much

3:38pmMatt

well i have no job and all i have is what i got from financial aid.. . .i dont think i have enough though thats whats scary
so i dont know

3:40pmThomas

well I guess u gotta find out first
if you have enough it'll be worth it to be square with the government again
then fees won't pile up

3:42pmMatt

true, i used to be like "screw it, im not paying", but if thats what it takes to finally take this load off my mind, then so freaking be it
it sucked driving too, because i knew i wasnt straight w the law, so it was always super stressful driving anywhere

3:42pmThomas

then you'll be square
and all the money you make you can know you're not going to have it taken

3:43pmMatt

like always checking the rearview and freaking out when i saw cops, etc

3:43pmThomas

but you're losing money every day right now, so go find out what you gotta do and do it

3:43pmMatt

yeah man youre right
im ready to submit to the man
i fought the law and the law won, etc

3:43pmThomas

hah
get on ur knees biath
biatch*

3:44pmMatt

yeah dude when he pulled me over i was like "im going to jail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
then i started thinking about sodomy, etc
i was like noooooo
my butthole

3:45pmThomas

haha
did they arrest you?

3:45pmMatt

no
i got so lucky

3:46pmThomas

wow

3:46pmMatt

hes like "this is a misdemeanor, i could throw you in cuffs right now and take you to jail" but instead he went easy on me and even gave me a ride to school, where i was headed. I think he just realized how screwed i was, and had pity, plus i was really respectful and stuff
so yeahi got so lucky

3:48pmThomas

yeah thats good man

3:50pmMatt

i was like "thank you so much sir, I know you're being lenient"
and he patted me on the bum
dude the back of that car was so uncomfortable though
the seats were ilke hard plastic and there was no leg room

3:52pmMatt

but at least he gave me a ride
that was way nice of him, or else i would just be stranded on the freeway
so anyway enough about my terrible life, how are you?

I really need to work on my Spera submission, the cut-off date has been pushed to my birthday, October 9th. I should have enough time. I'm watching a show on PBS about the National Parks and it's sort of romantic and inspiring and makes me feel a little less hopeless but solidifies my belief that I'll never do anything that really matters.
Heloise and I went to Phoenix for first Fridays last night. The art was, generally, awful, but we had fun. It was a fun atmosphere, even if it was pretty tacky and forced. I tried to explain why I didn't like most of the art to Heloise, but I couldn't really explain, I just said it was unoriginal. She would point to a painting and say "how is that not original?" I ended up saying something lame about the art not being 'fresh', and the way I determined the freshness of a work was a subconscious check through all the art I had ever seen and if, compared to the contents of that great mental file, the art in question stood out as new, inventive, etc. I think mostly, besides originality, there was an enormous absence of artistic skill. The subject matter was trendy and boring (skulls, pin-up girls, pop-culture icons, etc.) but they weren't even well executed, technique-wise. Maybe all of these classes are turning me into a snob. Oh well, so what if they are, not all art is of equal worth. Not even all human life is of equal worth, is it? 
After we got back to my apartment Heloise and I watched "Apocalypse Now", which I have been wanting to watch for a while. I thought it was really good, and even though I haven't read Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness" I still liked it. I want to read the book, though, and then watch the movie again. We didn't finish the whole film because it was really long and I could tell Heloise wasn't really feeling it. But I finished the rest of the movie this morning. Marlon Brando's character is great.
I've been feeling a little sick. It's funny because I'm always saying that I never get sick, but I do. I guess it's just never severe enough for me to remember, so I guess I'm just waiting for major illness.

 I find a lot of Matt Relkin's art inspiring...

This video of Roald Dahl is really funny, I think.

We went out to the desert and visited an ostrich farm. There were many animals. I bought an ostrich egg for ten dollars.



There were deer to feed.



I fished for ostriches. This was actually a tiny bit stressful. They're tiny heads and muscular necks and snapping bony beaks.



On the ostrich farm, about an hour from my house, near Tucson, Arizona.

It was hot and sunny and pretty fun. We rode in a monster truck too. Heloise and I went to Jessica Tuckers birthday party, I bought her two small bottles of Lambic; framboise and pomme. I'm jealous that she has them and not me. The party was boring, the cake was way too rich and frosting-filled.
I was sitting in my biology lab the other day with Adam. There were four other people at our table and we were all working together on an experiment. We were all talking together while waiting for test tubes to cool or something and I got this overpowering feeling of isolation and that no one on earth liked me. It seems like an immature feeling to have. I told Adam about it and he says it's normal, but then he just tells himself that he doesn't care what other people think. But I really do, so that doesn't help at all.
I bought Richard Dawkins' new book yesterday, "The Greatest Show on Earth", which is about evolution. More specifically, the evidence for evolution. It promises to be powerful. As my biology teacher goes on about how she doesn't 'believe' in evolution, and insists that it's just a 'theory', I want to know why evolution is true, and to arm myself for any possible confrontations, because I think that when we begin to actually cover evolution in depth, I will want to call her out.

The first two pages of a short comic tentatively titled "Last Views"...

I woke up and descended mount Doom (the stairway to my third floor apartment) and walked to my car. The trunk was open and things inside seemed generally strewn about. They only took my old snare drum and my CD's. I wasn't mad at all as I drove to school, though. I just felt curious, and the day day was beautiful and breezy. I felt like I had been touched by life, and even if it was bad life, it was still life. I'm just so introverted that it was almost pleasant to have someone try to invade my space.

I hate URBAN CULTURE, it's so boring. It serves no purpose, well it does, but the only purpose is to keep you from dying, because everyone else is URBAN and if you're not, you're dead right?

BDK



I'm so torn! A child of the suburbs, summered in the forest. The fact that I've "summered" probably says a lot. Does everyone hate the way other people are?
SECRETS
GLANCES
WHISPERS
GROUPING
TURNING
GESTURING
Everyone does these things to other people.

Heloise and I went to a restaurant called Flemming's, and it was intensely good. Here's what we had...

TRIO OF FILET MIGNON

• Wellington, garnished with mushrooms in puff pastry & madeira sauce
• Oscar, topped with asparagus, lump crab & béarnaise sauce
• Au Poivre, with peppercorn sauce & roasted peppers

SIDE DISH

• Sautéed Broccoli in brown butter with roasted tomatoes & crushed garlic

TRIO OF CRÉME BRÛLÉE

• Vanilla Bean with raspberry sauce
• Fresh Banana with mango sauce
• Dark Chocolate with fudge sauce & white chocolate shavings

(I just wanted to make sure that I remembered it, as it was the best meal I've had in years...)

Oh, and a fat Harry Potter Remix...

Ok modern art, I get it. I know you're cool, but stop doing the same stuff, it's boring. I know it's cool to make something strange coming out of someones mouth, but it's getting really old. The hardest thing is thinking of something new. It's really hard.
I would wear this everyday if I could (and I can):



Saladin's tomb in Damascus...



World War 1 was crazy...




Especially their body armor...

Last night we watched I Heart Huckbees, it wasn't as good as I remembered. Adam dropped it off on by balcony while I was in school. He also dropped of Death at a Funeral, which Heloise seemed really happy about. We'll watch it on Thursday.
I hate my math class.
I should study.
Whatever. So I ate dinner at the Renard's last night. They make this really good homemade pizza with chunks of tomatoes and artichokes and stuff. It goes down real smooth. While there, Anabelle got stung in the leg three times by a scorpion in her pant leg.
Life drawing yesterday went well, the model was really good. He was this really wiry guy which was great because you could see every muscle in his body. We focused on legs and feet and I felt pretty good about what I did. It's turning out to be one of my favorite classes.
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(Sur ma remington portative J'ai écrit ton nom Laetitia Elaeudanla Teïtéïa)